Ah. Blogging again. Not since the days of xanga and a few late-teens, angsty MySpace blogs have I put thoughts to paper, or keyboard, or now, as technology would have it, smooth, glass screen of a tablet.
Not really sure this blog will have a theme. It will probably be a splat of my brain matter most days. Just whatever happens to be bouncing around, bothering the inside of my head. For example, the fact I have to keep back spacing because my thumb keeps hitting the “n” instead of the space bar, is really pinching at my skull right now.
Here’s you’re fair warning: I will jump around, I may still have rants like an angtsy late teener, and I cannot promise entertainment. If you’ve made it this far I will be surprised, but I need to get somethings out there, and fool myself into thinking someone may be listening, with out the guilt that I actually made anyone listen.
So, here we go:
The human brain, and the human heart, enemies from the start. The brain constantly over thinking things that the heart sees so clearly. The heart, naive and gullible as it can be, is such a force to be reckoned with when it comes to the brain. The brain is pushier, bossier, and often louder, but occasionally the quite seeps in. The brain is either too tired or ran out of other things to busy itself with, and that’s when that sly fox of a heart starts meddling with the unsuspecting brain again.
Being hurt many a time, I have built an almost sound proof, light proof, and air proof box around this silly, red, squishy thing in my chest, to keep it from interfering with my brains day to day logical routine. By some miracle, a blue eyed stranger managed to find a forgotten, rickety, old, basement window in my box, and crawled on in. Three short weeks with this stranger and all of the sudden my brain is losing battles it hasn’t lost in a long, long, time.
Three weeks of rainforest hot passion and then the stranger was gone. All logic has sense ceased to exist, and here we are, by most definitions, two strangers, living across the country from one another, neither able to get out of eachothers hearts or heads. A very annoying overtaking, if I do say so myself. Three short weeks, but I have never felt for anyone what I feel for this man so quickly. Distance is a bitch though. A bitch that makes the good ol’, logical thinking, ever protective and some what pessimistic brain run on over drive.
Months have passed since I wrote the first half of this entry. Valentine’s Day is Friday. A year ago Friday, that blue eyed stranger went back home, 2,240 miles away, but who’s keeping track. We tried to make it work, but between distance and lack of funds to make the trip to see eachother, there was unavoidable frustration. He met someone from home, and we called it quits.
On my end, as you can imagine, there were tears, late nights sadly sipping away my sorrow, and the occasional tryst with my hot, funny go-to fun buddy. I feel I went through the natural steps: Sadness, anger, bitterness, back to sadness, denial that I ever felt anything at all, some more anger, jealousy, sadness again, and finally to acceptance.
Past acceptance actually. I am thankful I met him. I am thankful for the passion, the love, the laughs, the pain, the sadness, and the anger. The two years before blue eyes came into my life I can decribe my romantic emotional state as nothing less than numb. Completely unexpectedly, blue eyes showed me that I was not a broken shell of a woman. I could still feel, and love, and most importantly trust.
Three weeks with one handsome, funny, charming, blue eyed stranger brought me back to life.